10 posts from February 2009

Fluffy house shoes ftw! <3

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Whom have you lost touch with that you wish were still in your life?

The first best friend I ever had, Courtney.  She used to stay with her grandparents during the week, who lived across the street from me.  She was 2 years older than me and when she went off to high school, she stopped staying over there, we eventually grew apart.  I really do miss her.

And my older brother.  Even though we didn't get along in the past, I still miss him from time-to-time.  I sure as hell don't miss his attitude though, thus being why we no longer speak.

Just got this very interesting phone call from Chrissy.  And by the sound of her voice I knew it was gonna be something nasty.  So she starts off by telling me about how Kasha (my ex's girlfriend) works at the Nursing home and I'm like okay, okay on with it.  "Guess who else is doing their training there?" she asked.  I was clueless.  x__x  "Crystal and Kayla." she says.  Damnnn, didn't think it was gonna be this bad.  When Kayla's name is ever brought up, it means someone's been doing some shit talkin'.  v__v  And here I thought everyone had grown the fuck up already.  I haven't beefed it out with them since hmm, 2 years ago.

So Chrissy starts telling me all the juicy details.  Okay, well Kasha and I have no problems whatsoever, I think she's really nice and we get along when were together, which has only been like twice.  She knows that the whole Mark (her bf and Chrissy's brother) and I thing has been over and done with for a longgg ass time, long before they even met.  That shit is history, everyone knows it.  Well, apparently Kasha has been working with these two, but she had no idea who they were.  It wasn't until recently that Crystal and Kayla found out that Kasha was Mark's baby's mama and that they were together.  Once they found out, I guess they felt the need to talk shit about ME to Kasha because I'm his ex (like it really matters), not knowing that maybe we actually get along?  They said some pretty nasty things about me, yet CRYSTAL was the one saying most of it.  For fuck sake, this is ridiculous.  I've never had a huge problem with Crystal, so why the fuck is she talking about me?  Guess Kayla rubbed off on her after all.  So Kasha and Chrissy told me about it because Chrissy knew I was somewhat friends with Crystal (well not anymore after today). 

They need to grow up already, I'm so over this shit.

Seriously, I just got over the stomach flu and bouts of feeling nauseas three weeks ago.  Now I'm coming down with a damn cold.  ><  I felt a little stuffy all day, nothing too bad, then BAM! I'm super sicky so suddenly.  :(  I hate this.

I'm gonna take a dose of NyQuil and hit the pillow.  =/

It's been forever since I have actually just hung out with my friend Chrissy, without alcohol being involved in some way or another.  =/  Lately, I've been kind of wondering what the hell is happening here.  I don't see much of her, and most of the time she thinks that I'm the one to blame. 

Two years ago, it was so rare that we would ever spend more than a few days apart and anyone who knew us could tell you we were joined at the hip, did everything together, and now I talk to her maybe once a month?  I know how it all started though and now I wish I would have talked to her about it sooner.  See, Chrissy started dating David again, right before we graduated, and I've realized that since then, we've so slowly been drifting apart and it's taken me until now to figure it all out.  The only reason that we did, was because of David.  Whenever he moved in with her, is when I stopped coming over so much.  He always rubbed me the wrong way, I didn't like him from the beginning, but knowing that Chrissy loved this guy, I put up with it over and over again (much like Kendra and her ex Dustin)  I don't know what it is with my friend's boyfriends being such bitches to me.  I never could figure that out.  =/  Well, I stopped hanging out over at her house less and less of course, who wants to deal with one of 'those' guys.  >__<  I remember sometimes he would throw the fact that Chrissy's brother (the guy for some fucked up reason I thought I loved) was running around with all these girls, and he would tell me details about shit I wouldn't want to hear.  He made me cry more than once, that's for damn sure.  And in some way, I kind of thought maybe he was just upset that I would waste my time on Mark and that that was his way of trying to get me to let go of him.  I don't know, made sense to me at the time.

Fast forward to early 2008, Chrissy and David moved out of her parents' house and got a place of their own.  By now I was in college, had so much school work it was ridiculous, so I still wasn't seeing much of her, but by now David and I had warmed up to each other, I hadn't been wasting my time with Chrissy's brother anymore and I was actually a  happy, fun person to be around.  David wasn't an ass to me anymore, I could finally hang out with him without feeling tortured.  Everything was going pretty damn great.. until about mid 2008.. when the fighting between Chrissy and David started.  Every time that I would stay over at Chrissy's house, those two would fight like hell!  Yelling, slamming doors, throwing shit, the whole damn thing.  And if there's one thing I can't stand it's fighting like that.  I absolutely detest that shit.  Now at first it didn't happen every single time I was over there, but as the months flew by, I was laying on her couch in the living room trying to sleep through their yelling.  It got too much for me to handle, so I stopped going over there.  I remember one time Chrissy had to beg me to come stay the night there, and I told her if they started fighting, my ass was out of there.  I grew up around people fighting every day and yelling constantly (my brother with my parents) and it just triggers this ticking emotional time bomb in my head.  I just can't be around it, at all, or I break down emotionally.

Well, now on to today.. Chrissy's invited me over a lot of times since her and David split this summer.  And you would think.. no more David, no more problem, right? ... Wrong.  Over the past year and a half, Chrissy has become this party animal.  Not just a party here, a party there.  But she actually went through a phase where she drank every other night for months, not just drinking, but having people over partying every night.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?  It absolutely blows my mind when I think about it.  She's calmed down A LOT since then, but every time she calls me up and invites me out to go do something, she either ends up changing plans OR it's "Hey, Tori!  We're going to the club, you have to come!"  Okay, I can not count how many times I have told Chrissy that I HATE clubbing or drinking out at the bars.  She knows that, she knows I hate it.  And every time I decline, it turns into, "Why don't you ever want to hang out anymore?  Why don't you come see me?  When are you going to hang out with ME?  You're always hanging out with Lindsey!"  >___<  In those moments, I really wish I had the old Chrissy back.  I miss that Chrissy, not the one who lives it up every weekend.  I've realized that not MY interests or idea of fun has changed, but hers has, and it's changed drastically.  In the past year, every time I have hung out with her (maybe once a month or so) it's always "Let's get drunk!" or "We're having a party!"  And for once, just once, I wish we could hang out without getting trashed.  v__v  She used to be the person I talked to about everything, now we don't do that anymore.  And it doesn't help that she's a workaholic either, not that she has a choice.  =/  She isn't the same, I've known that for quite some time now, but I ignore it because I don't want to face the truth.  I just need her, and I feel like I cant reach her anymore.

It makes me really, really sad.  

School.  School has been kicking my ass already and the semester just started.  The work isn't hard, but there's just so many assignments to do and some of the are so lengthy.  Arghhh.  It could be worse though, much worse.  I just wish these teachers would cut us some slack.  =/

Summer.  Already making plans for summer.  My boyfriend is going to come visit, I'm really excited about it.  I can't wait for him to meet my friends and family and see what it's like where I live.  Going to take him on a vacation too, not sure where, but it's going to be a surprise. ^^

Valentine's.  I sent my boyfriend something for valentine's day.  I really hope he gets it in time though.  I'll update about that later.  ^^

New hobby.  I've been busy buying so much scrapbook stuff lately, and I haven't even began actually scrapbooking yet.  I didn't realize how long it takes to actually do it, but it keeps me busy when I'm bored and feeds my creative side.

Updates.  I really need to update my blog.  I have so many things I need to write about, especially my trip.  All this damn homework is getting in the way though.  AND I also have a wedding to attend this weekend and a friend coming to visit for the weekend..  I'm probably not gonna get anything done.  So frustrating.  =/